Long Distance Love

When it hurts so bad,

why does it feel so good?

I wish this all made sense,

I wish I understood.

Not having you here with me is tearing me up inside,

but I can't stop thinking about you no matter how hard I try.

You know how I feel about you,

and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you,

but it's so hard to do when I can't even be next to you.

Why does it gotta be so complicated?

Loving you feels so right,

but at the same time,

knowing I can't have you keeps me awake at night.

I just want this to be simple,

I just want you here with me,

to look into your eyes,

be held in your arms...then I'd truly be happy.

Right now this distance between us is out of our control,

but I'm still hoping one day soon,

I'll get what I'm wishing for.

By: Panda

My beloved loving father Johnny Ray Morris, JR.

I am so emotional breakdown when I heard the news

I can not believe that you are really gone.

I did not expect it was your TIME for you to go 

All I want is my father back.

God had taken you away from me

cuz he does not want u feel any more pain

God will take care of you for me.
God had gain a handsome anel

It was so shock  to see you leave.

It made me not to believe that you are reallu gone

just want to spend one more day, just one more day with you

cuz the feeling that i am holding is killing me .

I  feel so numb because

I can't move

can't speak

can't think

can't feel

can't eat

I barely can't do anything

I want to be all alone 

I don't want to bother with anyone for a while

I don't know how long it will take for me to be myself

what I need
a body full of water without trees

a way to express my feeling 

a way to scream my feeling out

a way to ease my pain

a way to resolve how I feel

Just you, me and God

and nobody else.

I am all alone in this world

Why did you have to leave me?

I am so mad at myself

Why I didn't call?

Why I didn't grab a chance to take a picture when u were alive?

Why I didn't get a chance to say "I love you"?

So many question to ask

I was so furious as tear was pouring down hard

I just don't feel everything will be all right

without you here with me

you made me feel so comfortable

I just miss you loving me

I miss you caring me

I miss being daddy's girl

Daddy, I miss you.

I may feel fine but on the inside, I still grieving

I want to ease the pain that I am feeling at this moment

It hurts as I shred more tear

I wont' stop crying

Tear just kept pouring and pouring

because it is so hard for me to let you go

I just love you too much for me to let you go

It is time for me to let you go but you won't be forgotten
I promise you that

you will always be there for me in spirit

it take time for me to ease my pain

Daddy, don't worry about me

I will be okay and u are up there watching me

I will be strong for you and myself

you won't be forgotten because I have you in my heart.

I thank you for having me in your life and having you in my life

You had been a great father to me and

I love you for that.

I dont' care what you did in the past, I forgave you, in my heart

You are a great person with a good heart.

You will always be my daddy and I will always be your daddy's girl.

I love you daddy, your spirit will always be around me.

Daddy, thank you for having me in ur life.

I LOVE YOU, DADDY.

You are in a good place. Take care of my family up there. Mwah

I MISS YOU, DADDY.

DADDY, I DID IT FOR YOU. I WALK ON THE STAGE WITH MY HEAD UP HIGH BUT AT THE SAME TIME, I HAVE NO ENERGY TO CHEER. LOVE U DADDY.

Copyright by Contessa Brown

How could you

How could you do this to me?
How could u?
I felt so heartbroken.
heart filled with hurt & angry
the pain I am feeling making me hate you more
We met each other twice
It won't be no third
I was mentally, socially, physically, emotionally, and intellectually attractive to you
but I was sensitive as you were not
you don't give a damn
My heart is full of blood  
dripping as it flood
drop by drop
drown myself into it
feel like i want to died alone with it
can't be undone
it can't be understood
why this happen
can't be heal back together faster
take time to get to wound my healing
gotta take the time to let you go
gotta shut you out of my life for good
because you are playing games
i don't give a damn if you got feeling
you don't give a a damn about me
why should I care?
Becoming a cold-hearted just like you
I gotta do this
i can't be your friend
i refuse to be your friend
you gotta accept that
it is so fuccin hard to let go of the person who I thought he is into me
until i find some hint of him
he was not into me
i am not afraid to hurt the person as i thought he cares
before I met him
he was such a sweet gentlemen, caring, & loving person
but he is fuccin pervert adn cold-hearted basterd
I never ever want to see you again
Never will
Same situation cant be repeat in the future
Gotta heal my heart up once you crushed it
so long, PERVERT WHORE!

FUCK YOU, 4 MAKING ME FEEL THIS WAY!

FUCK YOU, 4 MAKING ME FEEL THIS WAY!

Copyright by Contessa Brown

My one & only.

I am seeking for my one and only
My heart is broken into piece
can't seem to put it all back together
Gotta find the one who will help me
put it all back together
I will be all alone, so lonely if
I don't find the one
On the floor with tear running down my cheek
I am so heartbroken
been like this for four year
I did find the one guy that I like
I am not sure if he is the one
he is sweet, loving, charming, caring,
silly, intelligence, handsome, and crazy
Still not so sure if he is the one
My heart tell me that he is the one
but my mind & soul confuse me
If I give you a chance,
Will you be faithful to me/
Be true to your word.
Promise  not to hurt my feeling
love me?
Want him to be my one and only
How can I make him mine?
I can't force him to be mine
Who will be my one and only?
I am so afraid to give you that chance
He might mess it up
I can't afford to have my heart to be step all over again
I am too sensitive  about my feeling and heart
I cry easily to have my heart give to you if
you are going to hurt me
My one and only will be my true lover
where he come along into my life.
I will be waiting for my moment. 

Copyright by Contessa Brown

Kissin you is beautiful

So Softy

So Tender

So Thick

The moment we kissed

It makes ma heart

beat more faster

It likes a chill

going through ma spine

Once, I kissed you,

You made me

wanna go down wit you

Every time, I look at you

Ya handsome face made me hot.

Ya eyes are like a shiny marbles

Your smiling shunned me

I can imagine that 

I tasted you like a sweet chocolate

I want a bite of that sexi juicy lip

of your so bad.

So bad that I can make you scream

my name out aloud

I look in your sexi eyes,

tell me that you WANT me

I can't get enough from you

I CAN'T...

As we kiss, I cant stop kissing you

Your sexi lip of your turn me on

The fire, we built steam up the room

We can't control nor breathe

As long as we kissed,

the bigger the fire get

The bite of your sexi lip, make me wanna do you

make me wanna kiss you even harder

When I kiss you more

I feel this fire between us.

Let it flow, babi

Let it flow

It is just a one time thing

I need love affection from you

Would you give it to me?

All I need is your kiss.

Just one last kiss

It could last forever

For hours

It could lead one thing another

Just let it flow

Let it flow

Don't stop

What is it to be scared for?

Day goes by, I can't forget about you

The guy that I like so fuccin much can kiss

real good

That moment we spend together

You mad me feel

Good

Sexy

Secure

Warm

Beautiful

Any word that describe my feeling

which I am feelin right now

I will cherish that moment

It might not mean a thing to you

As it mean a lot to me

It only happen once

It might be our last time

To have fun and all

Kissin you is def. beautiful
 
Copyright by Contessa Brown 

My ’special’ internet friend.

The internet is scary

The internet is fun

The internet is the place

I met my special ’one’

We met upon the internet

Our keyboards as our voice

Monitors as our eyes

We fell in love by choice

The days and weeks since we’ve met

Have gone bye very fast

The many hours spent online

Each telling of our past

The miles that lay between us

Seem to be so few

One click upon a button

And there I am with you

To see your name upon my screen

Does give me such a thrill

And when you send your "Hey Baby"

It makes my heart stand still

The little things you say and do

Those smiles and hearts you send

You’ve come to mean so much to me

My ’special’ internet friend.

Copyright CD

Distant

I totally feeling this poem. I really miss him so much when we are apart. I think about him everyday. It never be enough. A I want to be close to him. Distance is driving me insane.

I can't see you
I can't smell you
I can't touch you
And I can't feel you
But, somehow, I know you're there.

A distance, so brutally far
A feeling, so uncomfortably near
It fills me with want and desire
And I realize- I must not conspire.

I cannot think and can't imagine
I fear if I do it will make me closer
While you remain out of reach
And probably with someone else...
I know I could be her... if I was there.

I can't see you
I can't smell you
I can't touch you
And I can't feel you
But, somehow, I know you're there.

I long to hear your voice once more.
In the past it filled me with exhilaration
And then left me in despair.
Fill my soul once more with your proper tone
And then jerk it away, as we say, "So long".

I want to know feelings I never felt before
But will I ever experience your gentle touch again?
Or your warm breath against my neck,
As you solemnly whisper, "I love you, I need you."

But.............

I can't see you
I can't smell you
I can't touch you
And I can't taste you
But, somehow, I feel I could.

Why does my heart beat so rapidly
At one little thought of you?
Why do I need for you to touch me, hold me
Press your sweet, warm body to mine?
Oh, give me pleaures I could never know....

I want you to teach me the wonders
I've never known and take me to levels
Never seen before by my quivering soul.
Suck me in, let me drown.....
It would be like a baptism...... my heart with yours.

I can't see you
I can't smell you
I can imagine
And I can't touch you.
Somehow I feel we're beyond that.

We are two- united from the start
Meant to teach, to love, to comfort, and caress.
I could never let go of you
Even though there is nothing to grasp.

Even if it fades over time
It could never fade completely
And, one day, when I do see you.....
I'll feel it's you, I'll know it's you
The love, pain, worries, and curiosity
Will run through me once again.

Then.....

I Will see you
I Will smell you
I Will feel you
I Will taste you
But, somehow... it won't be the same.

copyright by  Elizabeth Higgins

Black is Beautiful

Black is a beauty
What does Black mean to you?
When it come to a beauty of black, it can't be describe.
Black is beautiful,
Any skin color complexion does not defines me.
I am not brown, dark camel, coco, whatever color that may be.
Beautiful Black defines ME.
Look in their eyez, you will see true beauty
True beauty of our skin, eyes, hair, personality, smile,
intelligence,strengthen, heart, soul, and everything.
It can't be overlook.
Sometime we feel that we are not our skin when we see bruise, pimples,
dark sport n etc.
Should it be main issue of our lifestyles?
Yes, we worry about staying beautiful
Yes, we worry about keeping our self-esteem high
So we can feel good about ourselves
We r our skin when we see the beauty in ourselves.
We are beautiful on the inside
On the outside shouldn't be worry
So don't worry what is on the outside
We are still beautiful no matta wat
We are proud to be black
So feel proud
Enjoy your skin
Feel your skin
& enjoy ur beauty
Different complexion of skin is a beautiful color
No competition should be complete.
No need to feel jealous
Everybody is unique in their own skin color
No need to be wishing
Everybody should feel good about themselves
Why should skin color be an issue?
we should love ourselves no matter what skin color
We shouldn't judge so don't let anyone judge you
Confidence is the key to help you gain self-esteem
Don't let ur confidence be taken way
Be proud who you are
Love yourself
God loves us so much and made us that way
My black, my beauty, & me is beautiful

Copyright by Contessa Brown..

Be a strong woman

 I love this poem... I totally feeling this..

A Strong Woman
vs.
A Woman Of Strength

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape but a woman of strength looks deep inside to keep her soul in shape

A strong woman isn't afraid of anything but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear

A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future but a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be blessings and capitalizes on them

A strong woman walks sure footedly but a woman of strength knows when to ask for help

A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face but a woman of strength wears grace

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong.

Copyright © 2005 Dee Cheeks

nothing that we could control.

We are living in this criminal world

nothing that we can control of

Gotta find a way to survive through this world

Gotta have something to help you get through this world.

Can't do it alone

Don't plan to give up

We will survive through this criminal world through God's help

Life can be really scary and confusing

I feel that living in this world is not the safest place to live in

Everywhere we go, something bad just happen

Nothing I can do to prevent that

Just pray for better life

Just pray for the world we are living in

Just pray for our soldier in Iraq fighting

Just pray for those people who are sick

just pray for the economic

Pray for those people who lost their job

we all need something to pray for

just pray for everything

year after year, the world is turning upside down

People going crazy but not asking God to help them

not asking God to guide them

not asking God what they want

Just ignore God's help won't get u nowhere

Can't blame God your problem

we can't stay mad at everything that happen on this earth

Live your life and move on

it is all about living and dying

Life is too short to bitter

just sitting in my bed and figure why this happening

Cant be mad at everyone especially God that have been taken live away

don't be mad at him

God loves you so much and gave up his life just for you

People just can't realize it is a wake up call for all of us

A path where it lead you to a good life turn into a bad path

i see bad thing happen every day

nothing that we can control of

All we need is Jesus

Life ahead of you could be so beautiful if you chose it

just sitting on my knee and crying and crying

tear flowing down my cheek to people killing people

I am sad cuz a lot of people lost their job

i am furious and hurt cuz people dying unnatual, and leaving us so soon

I am depress because we are all depress to live in this criminal world which we can't control of

we have our bible in our hand, Jesus, and get on your knee and pray

survive through this world

Cry with us

pray with us

survive with us

God will be with us

u don't have to go alone

we will do it together

he will be there for us

Be Strong

Don't be scared to live your life

Move on and enjoy your life

Put God in your life first

Have faith in him

All you have to do is Pray

he will be there to answer your prayer

Don't rush him

don't be mad at him if he didn't get on time.

All we need is Jesus to go through this.

we all need God's help to move on.

Copyright by Contessa Brown

Loving you is BEAUTIFUL

I am in Love.
Love is wondering feeling but painful.
Love won't go away
Men come and go but u will not forget about him
He will always be part of me
Something about my sweetie bear is special
He is wonderful person with a big heart
But hurt me a lot
I know he doesn't mean any of it
He apologize in many different way
He try his very best not to lose me
He will find a way to prove it to me
He is a real man
Know why..
he care for me so much
Love me
He respect me
Show affection
Be there for me
Love for who I am.
Make me happy
Know how to blush me n keep it going
He protect me if something had happen
Will u find any man like that?
He will take a risk before anything happen to his girl
Last nite, it hit me
I am in love
It never happen to me before
Wow, that is the kind of men I want
He is one of them
My sweetie bear, u will always be in my heart
I will never forget about u
Babi, I can't express my feeling what you are to me.
When I am with you, I feel secure, comfortable, and
Missin being in your arm again
Missin you cuddle with me, ugh, ur soft thick body is killin me
It is a sad when it come to ending
I know I will see you next month
I want more of you
Oct 22, 2006 was not enough time for us to spend
It was so so so so good to see you
It had been four month that I hadn't seen ya
Babi, my heart just stop when u came to see me
Couldn't live without you
What I love about you is that
U are adorable.
Just love the way you put your arm around me
Love the way you dance with me
Love the way you grab my ass
Love the way you touch me
Love the way you kiss me
Love the way you hug me
Love the way you scared at me
Love is a good thing that I love about ma sweetie bear.
Last moment for us to spend are painful and short
Just hate the way you leave me when I need you more
Hate the way you sa goodbye
The benefit for us that we saw each other n in each other's arm again
When it is time for you to u leave
I didn't want you to go
Cuz I care about you so much
My feelin was so strong.
Every time I see you, it get worse


Something is missin and I need it from u
Those soft kiss we kissed was leadin for more
I didn't want you to leave
So I kiss you more so u can stay with me
I cry cuz I didn't want u go
I scolded me not to
I hug u so long
I keep holdin you up
Babi, I don't want u to go
I look into my eyez
U didn't want to go but you have to
I need you
I want you
I need your kiss
I miss you so fuccin much
It is killin me
I have need and when can you fillful it?
How long do I have to wait?
Why u have to leave tonite?
Why?
Why?
We shared one last kissed
That was it
Tear fall down on my cheek
I couldn't let you go
For couple of months ago, I couldn't forget about you
All I think about you
I think of you as my brother, best friend, partner, lover & friend, fucking partner, best pal, anyname u mention, you def. Are mine.
My love for you is too strong n u will taste every inch of it.

"Lovin someone is a wonderful feelin"

Missin you sweeetie bear




Copyright by Contessa Brown

My friendship of Sexi Mama C and you

Friendships are very hard to find.
Friends got game to play
They will get what they want
But gotta be careful who I talk to
Cuz they be playing games with my mind.
Friend just come and go.
None of them r willing stay right there with you.
They don't give a damn about u
It is all about him.
And think about themselves
Friends r rarely to be found
They r one of a kind
Friendships and sex into a mixture can make me blind
I am def. Blind
Gotta make sure he isn't after what he is looking for
It either sex, lust or love
There is gotta be something they desire
Being with me, u know u want something.
Gotta pay attention of what I am doing
Either I will be the one end up hurting
We made careful decision
We were just chilling around
We liked each other but we crossed the line
by mistake
Urge for something
Lead one thing to another
The decision that I made hurt me
Regret of what I did was hurtful n painful
Look what my decision did to me
Sexi Mama C have to dealt with it
I might lose my temper in order to lose you
Sexi Mama C wanna cherish this friendship we have.
I didn't lie when I said I don't have feelin 4 u
Sexin more often made me drawn to you
The feelin I have for u is strong and pure.
The jealously was showing thr my face
Even tho u didn't notice.
I don't want any bitches to have you
but u r not mine.
That is jealousy right there
It is hard to endure when we had sex.
It is hard not to care about the person u r with
Fell for the person is hard
Sexi Mama C is so unsure of the kind of feeling I am having for you.
Wondering what happen next.
Will Sexi Mama C lose you?
When we see each other, I wanna lure with you.
But we can't continue to do this
One of us are already hurting
I don't want to lose our friendship
My emotions for you will be mixed up and never get it fixed right.
If I ever lost you, it will be hard to get u back in my life.
I will be crushed.
I have already lost one of my true friend in N.J.
I don't wanna lose YOU, too
Now I have this feelin for u
and now u know the truth.
It will be my dealing
All different kind of feeling that I have for u.
sexing each other too often drawn us feeling
Awful feeling to feel
Emotions can't be eliminate.
It will come and go.
It will never go away
cuz emotions I have for you will always be part of me
I will try not to think about it too hard
It is difficult.
We can be friends but can't have sex.
Do u really wanna lose me?
I either lose you if we continue to do that.
Again, I don't wanna lose u.
I rather be your friend instead of going thr pain and shyt
U r the best thing that ever happen to me
I got a lot of love for you.
Boo, you won't be forgotten
You will always be my handsome babi
To be honest, I am sexual, physical, and mental attractive to you.
I have a decision to make.
I want to have healthy friendship with you
N go back where we start
I am gonna to be all right
Don't worry about me
I have done that n been there
I am a strong women.
There is no need for me to cry over you
But I will be crying for myself.
What we have was sex.
Sex was great
I did like you n
I still like u no matta what
We r gonna to be close friend.
When this is all over, we will be all right.
I will be on my own and u will, too
Just keep in touch
Promise me u will keep in touch with me
Promise me
Why am I keeping hurting myself more?
Why I keep lettin guy play with my mind?
Sexi Mama C am tired of giving a guy a chance
Chance is not a game to be play with
Gotta cherish it
I gotta be strong
I gotta keep my head up

Copyright @ Contessa Brown

da whole me r GONE

One morning
Woke up feeling so upside down
Took a warm bath
Didn't feel beautiful
Didn't feel like a lady
There were nothing to feel
Just looking in the mirror
What do I see?
I see nobody
Just don't see Contessa Brown, not Sexi Mama C, Sexi Shea Bear, nor LaShea Williams
I don't exist
Not in my brown eyes, I don't.
Just looking in the mirror
I see tearing flowing down my cheek
Whatever made me cry hard, it hit me hard
As I was crying, I feel my life is over
Just looking in the mirror,
Just not a beautiful women anymore
I know I'm beautiful in God's eyes
But in my brown eyes, I am not.
I don't know if I ever will feel that way again
Just feel that the whole me are completely gone.
I am not me anymore.
Just looking in the mirror
I said "Why, Why, Why, Why me!"
God knows I am hurting real bad
This can't be heal overnight
blood just flowing,
it hurt so bad
I don't want to live with it
I rather die with it
I know God didn't bless me this
This mistake I made is the price I have to pay
I'm not proud of the choice I made
I have learned my lesson
Those mistake WON'T be repeated
Do I deserve this?
Just looking in the mirror,
How can I ENJOY Life? 
HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW?  crying.
Enjoy life is impossible
Impossible for me
Cuz I don't feel so worthy to enjoy life
Just feel my life is so over
It will be hard for me to move on w my life
I know I lost father last year
Do I suffer enough pain already?
so much pain to burden
Pain just keep coming and coming
Just can't deal with it anymore.
Just can't
not anymore
Do I deserve to be on dis earth?
Why am I being punishment?
It just keep getting worse and worse
God, pls help me. pls
This will be extremely difficult tha I have to face in life
I try my best to accept this
i try my best to move on.
In reality, I have to accept what have happen to me & my life.
I wish I could go back & prevent it from happen.
God knows I am really trying hard.
Crying, it is so hard.
God, I need you
I wanna cry along with God and follow every where he goes.
He knows my pain
Please take my pain away. Pls God, I don't want to feel anymore.
I rather to DIE than feeling this pain

Copyright by Contessa Brown